Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
