I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
