Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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