I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
