So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
