You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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