I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think i have herpe
just one?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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