If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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