I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
