That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
