Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
