How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
