Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize