take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
