I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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