My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
