oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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