I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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