You just made me feel so damn special
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we're making bets on your personal life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
