Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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