I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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