just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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