I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize