The maid of honor just puked.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
