final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
