Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
