I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
