Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
