I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
