I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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