you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mom said you looked used
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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