someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
