Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry my hands just texted you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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