Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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