I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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