she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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