I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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