i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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