I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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