every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
