I think I am morally bankrupt
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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