Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
