im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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