Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize