He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
third nipple confirmed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
