so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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