Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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