Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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