At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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