i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
how drunk are you?
Several
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
