you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
