If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
