Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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