Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
