You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
