No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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