you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
