i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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