I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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