South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize