her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
