do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
