she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
