Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize