You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize