come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
