I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
