I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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