I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
