I just saw a hot homeless man
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
