In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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