I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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