so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
