My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
