If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
