There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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