i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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