I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
