I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize