I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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