So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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