a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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