Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
