you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
