bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
