great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
