I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
