ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
