I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
