if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
