someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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