I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize