I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
