The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
