This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize