I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can you bring me the toilet please
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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