if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
