We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
